What is Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence is a pattern of abuse that is used to control the behavior of another in a relationship. It not only pertains to physical abuse – it presents in many ways, including sexual, verbal, emotional and financial.

Most relationships go through difficult times and every couple argues occasionally. Domestic violence goes beyond common marital or relationship issues.

If you are concerned about your relationship, ask yourself if your current or former partner:

• Physically abuses you (shove, slap, choke or hit)?
• Sexually abuses you?
• Physically stalks you or cyber-stalks you?
• Controls your finances (takes money or paycheck, makes you ask for money or refuses to give you money)?
• Threatens or intimidates you (threatens to kill you or take away your children, destroys your property, uses weapons to scare you)?
• Shames, mocks or criticizes you (either alone or in front of others)?
• Isolates you from family and friends?
• Controls what you do, where you go and who you see or talk with?
• Makes you feel like the abuse if your fault, or denies even doing it?
• Tells you that you are worthless on your own?
• Makes you feel like there is no way out of the relationship?
• Prevents you from going to work or school?

The Cycle of Violence

Does this describe your relationship?

Stage I: The Tension Building Stage
The tension builds over time. You feel like you’re walking on eggshells — as if something is going to happen, but you don’t know what or when.

Stage II: The Acute Battering Stage
This is the blow-up; the release of the tension for the abuser. He/she threatens to hurt you or kill you. You may get hit, kicked, punched, shoved, threatened or raped. The severity of violence increases over time.

Stage III: The Hearts & Flowers Stage
He/she promises it will never happen again. You hope you can believe him/her this time, but without intervention nothing has changed. The tension begins to build again, and you are back to the Tension-Building Stage (Stage 1). Not every couple experiences this stage.

What to Do if the Tension Builds

If the Tension Builds, Be Prepared

• • • Call 911 in an emergency
    • In an emergency, teach your children to call 911 or go to a neighbor for help.
    • If you have a neighbor you can trust, work out a signal that lets them know you need the police.
    • Have the 24-hour phone number for Providence House with you at all times:
      1-877-871-7551 or 609-871-7551 (in Burlington County)
      800-246-8910 or 732-244-8259 (in Ocean County)
    • If you have a car, hide a spare key in an accessible place.
    • Save as much money as possible, leave it with a trustworthy friend or in a concealed and easily accessible place.
    • Make copies of important documents: marriage license, social security cards, birth certificates and keep them together in a safe place.
    • Keep a suitcase packed in an available safe place.
    • If you don’t have a cell phone call the Providence House hotline and ask about our 911 cell phone program.

Providence House Domestic Violence Services of Catholic Charities, Diocese of Trenton, seeks to end the cycle of domestic violence through education, empowerment and advocacy while providing a safe haven from abuse. We provide free and confidential services in Burlington and Ocean counties.

• • • Fact Sheet for Providence House Services in Burlington County (PDF, 282 KB)
    • Fact Sheet for Providence House Services in Ocean County (PDF, 282 KB)

Domestic Violence Affects Children Too

Children who witness violence can be affected in many ways and may grow up to continue the cycle of violence. Providence House offers the PALS (Peace: A Learned Solution) Program — a creative arts therapy program — to children ages three to 12 years of age who have witnessed violence in their homes.

• • • Burlington County PALS Program (PDF, 352 KB)
    • Ocean County PALS Program(PDF, 344 KB)

Information on Restraining Orders

Learn more about the different types of restraining orders available in Burlington and Ocean counties, including where and how to obtain one, what to do if it is violated and important local contact information.

• • • Burlington County Domestic Violence Restraining Order Information(PDF, 336 KB)
    • Ocean County Domestic Violence Restraining Order Information(PDF, 336 KB)

Additional Online Resources and Organizations

• • • Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence
    • Futures Without Violence
    • National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence
    • National Clearinghouse on Abuse in Later Life
    • National Network to End Domestic Violence
    • National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
    • New Jersey Coalition to End Domestic Violence
    • State of New Jersey Domestic Violence Services